Faith

I was 32 years old. It was just like any other day. I was driving down an all-too-familiar road, and I thought to myself, "Self, what if I just let the love in?"

I was a believer. I loved and worshipped Jesus Christ, the risen Son of God, my personal Savior, but it was all routine. I didn't feel it. Then, like a random thought, out of nowhere, What if I just let the love in?

So, for a moment, there behind the wheel, I concentrated on breathing, and on opening myself up to to something, to God, to love, to grace, to mercy, to life ... and that moment I felt a warmth, an energy, a calm and assuring peace flood through me. It was so gentle. So simple.
I let the love in.


***


I grew up in the church, but I just. didn't. get. it.

I thought Christians were dorks and found Christianity oppressive (especially to women). The more I became educated in the world's wisdom, the further I wandered from my faith, until eventually, I was an extremely educated, intelligent, and thoughtful idiot.

I made lots of mistakes that I never would have made if I had been consulting God with my decisions. But I was absolutely certain that if there was a God, He couldn't possibly know more about what was best for me than I did. I was boy crazy -- a romance addict, and I was motivated by money and personal recognition. I was a mess.

I did not fall in love with Jesus in one holy, powerful, doves in the sky moment. It was a series of baby steps. And I'm still taking baby steps, but my life has been so full of little miracles, that when I add them all up, there is no longer any doubt in my mind that Jesus is real, that He loves me, that He is my author and finisher and that when it comes down to it, He is all that really matters.

I don't have all the answers, but I have spent hundreds, if not thousands of hours, studying the Bible, mostly trying to disprove it, mostly trying to find justification for my own rebellion. I didn't find it. What I did find is that the Bible, when you really study it, makes sense on a level that nothing else does. When I began to study the Word in its entirety, it was no longer disjointed. Much more, it was supernaturally whole, reliable, connected, and true. When I have put myself aside, and agreed with the Word, I have seen the truth revealed in ways with which the world's wisdom cannot compare nor compete.

God created the heavens and the earth. I am a science nerd, and the more I have studied science, the more it points to an intelligent Creator. God created human beings in His image, with free will, and humans chose themselves over their Creator. We can say that there was no Adam, we can say let's not blame Eve, but it doesn't really matter because I have chosen myself over my Creator. And I'd be willing to bet that at some point in your life, so have you.

Therefore, if we are to access our divine image, we needed a Way. We need a Savior. And of course, God had the answer. He sent Himself, He sent His Son, to walk on this Earth, to live a sinless life, and to show us stupid human beings Who God really is. Because this Son was perfect, when He was punished for our selfishness, He took our sins upon Himself and died under their weight.

Today, you and I don't have to die under the weight of our sins. Thanks to Jesus, all we have to do is live. Jesus died to set us free, free from ourselves, our sin, and our own limitations. All we have to do is let the love in.


***


Today, I try to make all of my decisions through the lens of the beautiful, pure blood of the perfect and precious lamb. I am not perfect, but I am repentant. I don't know everything, but I am still learning. I am still taking baby steps, but I am a new creation.